The Death of RSVP and What it means to your Destination Wedding Invitations

This following article ran in the New York Times Op-Ed Section some time in March 2011.

It’s My Party, and You Have to Answer

By RAND RICHARDS COOPER

 

HERE’S an etiquette experiment for you: E-mail an invitation for a party, one month out, to 45 friends. Request an R.S.V.P. Provide a follow-up e-mail message, two weeks later, politely reminding them to get back to you.

 

How many will?

 

My experiment arose from plans for an evening of food, drink and literature, with readings by myself and two other writers, at a restaurant. Not exactly a drop-in-if-you’re-around kind of thing, so I asked friends to R.S.V.P. My initial message brought in a dozen responses, and the follow-up a few more, but days before the event I had a paltry 23. Not 23 who planned to come, but 23 who had bothered to respond. Half my invitees had blown me off. Why? I wasn’t peddling life insurance, after all.

 

Asking around, I discovered that the phenomenon is widespread. One friend of mine e-mailed invitations to a baby shower, and a third of the recipients failed to respond. Another announced a happy hour at her house and received a dozen yeses — only to find her party besieged by 35 people.

 

What’s preventing us from executing this basic social task? Is it the medium? Do Evites somehow not feel like “real” invitations? Is it our busy lives, so overbooked and overwhelmed we’ve drawn up the castle gates? Don’t invite me out this month, I’m ensconced! Or is it simple rudeness? Try as I might to understand, I kept feeling dissed.

 

What’s clear is how hard the R.S.V.P. rubs against the grain of contemporary life. In requesting people to anchor a plan in the distant future of a month hence, you are demanding a kind of navigation that Americans increasingly do not practice. We prefer to remain flexy, solidifying our plans incrementally as the date approaches. Let’s talk tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m on the road. Cellphones in hand, we micro adjust our schedules as they unfold around us. We’re like the air traffic controllers of our own lives.

 

The author has a good point regarding to RSVP - it does not work.

In my opinion, he was taking his party invitation a bit too personally and I can almost guarantee he will be even more upset when he send out his Destination Wedding Invitations, if he ever plan a destination wedding.

10 Reasons to Have a Destination Wedding

1. You can say I do anywhere! A destination wedding is defined as marrying at least 100 miles from where the bride currently lives. So imagine the options that definition opens up for you — the world really is your playground.

2. You’ll stand out from the pack. More than 2 million American couples wed every year — and fewer than 20 percent of them have destination dos. Bonus: Wed away, and you won’t have to choose from the same old hometown spots all your friends have booked.

3. It’s easier. Many wedding-worthy resorts offer free planning help to couples, whether the event is for two or 200, and an abundance of packages keeps things simple while still giving options to customize. Want something more involved? Turn to an independent planner who specializes in more elaborate events.

4. You can save on decor. With a destination wedding in a stunning setting, your location of choice supplies the theme, from castle fairy tale to sea-inspired soiree. And when you choose an amazing backdrop, it doesn’t take much to dress it up. Opt for a pristine beach, a tidy vineyard, a blooming garden or a historic plantation house furnished with graceful antiques, and you’ll be more than covered with a few simple florals and other modest accents.

5. Enjoy quality time with loved ones. The standard wedding lasts for five hours, and the bride and groom spend most of that time running from table to table, trying to say hello to everyone. A destination do spans a minimum of three days — which means, now that you’ve finally gotten your nearest and dearest together, you can actually spend quality time with them! Hooray!

6. It’s a great excuse to limit the guest list. The very nature of destination weddings — they require travel, a longer time commitment and hotel stays — gives you the perfect excuse to cut down on an often unmanageable number of invitees. Think the second cousins and office mates will be miffed? You can always throw a post wedding party — complete with plenty of photos — when you get back home.

7. Guests can save on a vacation. Ask your host hotel about discounted room rates for your guests; most resorts are more than willing to bargain in exchange for group business. Some airlines, such as United and American, offer discounted airfares for groups of 10 of more — on the latter, this is true even if your guests are departing from different gateways. And ultimately, your friends will have a blast! Destination weddings give friends and family that most valuable commodity: downtime — to kick back, connect and celebrate. And what’s more fun than that?

8. You’ll share a locale you love. Part of the joy of a destination wedding is showing off a place that has special meaning to you, be it bringing friends and family back to a beloved college campus, sharing where you took your first vacation as a couple or finally going to a locale you’ve always dreamed of visiting.

9. Flexible timing helps with budgeting. You’ll be at your destination for a few days, so work with your vendors to see how timing can trim costs. After all, if everyone is already there, you can wed on a Friday, a Sunday or even a Tuesday — what does the day of the week matter in paradise? Look at seasonality too. Many Caribbean hotels drop their prices dramatically in mid-April; by planning your wedding for May, you can get the same great digs for a fraction of the price paid by visitors a few weeks earlier. Likewise, mountain resort towns offer big savings in spring and fall.

10. You can start the honeymoon early. Just arriving at your destination is sure to put you in a relaxed mood as the pre-wedding festivities begin. Many hotels offer automatic upgrades to the bride and groom on their wedding night, and you may be able to negotiate an extended mini moon at a reduced rate after the guests have gone home.

Article source: destinationweddingmag.com

All these 10 reasons are great, but the below three reasons stood out from the rest:

1. You can say I do anywhere! 

With thousands of resorts and thousands of locations, there gots to be a beautiful and perfect venue that would love to do business with you.  Which give you a lot more leverage compare to a most home town if wedding venue is limited. 

2. You’ll stand out from the pack. 

How can your wedding be one of a kind and unique if it is book at the same old home town spots?  Since you gotta spend the money anyways, why not make it outstanding and truly one of a kind?

5. Enjoy quality time with loved ones. 

This is the most beautiful part for me at our wedding since only close friends and family attended our wedding.  Who are you going to spent the most important day of your life with? Strangers and long lost relatives or close friends and family?  By inviting the closest and dearest, this will also lower the destination wedding cost dramatically compare to doing a wedding locally.

Start your destination wedding planning by getting a free destination wedding timeline and checklist here!

Comprehensive Destination Wedding Timeline and Checklist

I have done many research on google for a good destination wedding timeline or destination wedding checklist.

If you do a search on google yourself, what you will see is a very brief timeline and checklist that looks like someone just quickly put it together in 5 minutes.  

Check out this comprehensive destination wedding timeline and checklist, that will actually make a difference in your destination wedding planning.

You can see how Brian put together his wedding timeline and list in his preview video.

Use Services like DestinationWeddings.com at your Own Risk

The reason why I am using them as an example is because they are the easiest to find since they are number 1 on google search if you type in “Destination Weddings”, they are the most developed service that I had seen online and their website look very professional and creditable.

But that was before I found numerous complains about them by many other brides who used DestinationWeddings.com before.

You can see the complaints from other brides here.

On the surface, destinationweddings.com look very professional and creditable, anyone who did not see the complaints would think they are trustworthy. 

You see something else as you dig a little deeper.

This is part of the risk when planning a destination wedding presents as wedding services are almost essential.

However, there are ways to avoid these risk. 

One of the best way is to avoid the middle man and go direct to the local destination wedding services.  

You save money, lower the chance of mis-communication and you will have a better understanding of who you are dealing with because you have a say who to work with.  

The middle man service like Destinationweddings.com will most likely refer you to the most commission they can make or whoever is available for their convenient.  There is nothing wrong with that but the bride will be the one who is risking her wedding.

You can learn more about destination wedding planning while not risking the quality of your destination wedding. 

 

Brides-to-be busting budgets this wedding season

"We did a bridal show a couple weeks ago and it was the biggest bridal show I've seen," owner Kim Hodges said. 

Statistics show the average cost of a wedding has risen 23 percent since last year with the total resting around $25,000 for the big day.

 

Hodges said throughout her many bridal shows this season so far, she has seen a trend in vendors raising prices but that brides do not seem to care when it comes to busting the budget for their fairytale day. 

 

"When you tell them the prices they are not blinking at it at all,” Hodges said. “Most wedding vendors have gone up in prices whether photography, DJs or floral and brides are still booking them.

 Here is the article

$25,000 is a lot more than what we paid for our destination wedding including 2 weeks of vacations on paradise! 

Planning a destination wedding is the way to go!

Why are People not Confirming Even Though I Sent them the Destination Wedding Invitations?

Some guests say yes, and some other guests pull out.

We then realized, by people just saying “Yes, I will come.” is not enough.

One of the most tricky thing during the destination wedding planning that people don't realize is:

Its not as easy as you think to manage and have everyone show up, sitting in a chair by the altar and on time for your destination wedding.

Even if you have a traditional wedding, its not a small task just to get everyone to RSVP and show up on time.  

Let alone, a destination wedding requires the guest to book a trip, a flight, hotels, or maybe a day off to get to your wedding.

There are ways to send your destination wedding invitations, and ways of communicating with your guests that can increase 

the chances for them to take action and not just say "Yes, I will be come." and potentially pull out later.

One way is speaking with them directly, but not in a way of pushing, continuously bringing it up like a broken record.  

They already know they did not reply or confirm yet, you don't need to remind them.  

Share with them what is exciting for you and what you are planning for the destination wedding.

Share your plans before and after the wedding, how beautiful it will be and how great it will be if they are there.

If you do this honestly without the agenda of pushing them into saying yes, it will help them start to paint the picture of being there themselves.

Then you don't need to convince and they will convince themselves if there is nothing else in the way of them being there.

I hope these destination wedding planning tips are useful for your planning!

Happy wedding planning!

We paid $1,700 for our destination wedding and honeymoon

 

(Not actual town)

"Our wedding in Nelson was very intimate. Nelson is an old mining town 30 miles south of Las Vegas, and about 1/4 mile from the Colorado River.

Being that there were only 11 people (including Sean and me), the "owner" of the town (no one actually lives there) had us pay 10 per person for run of the town for as long as we wanted. $110. No chairs, no tables, just us and a lot of cactus, broken down vintage cars, and a cat.

 

Can't imagine a destination wedding like this for myself, HOWEVER, gotta give them credit for making it happen with what they got.

Most people will just wave the white flag before even start their destination wedding planning.

It is a lot easier to say "We can't afford a destination wedding, so forget about it." then to actually do whatever it takes to make it happen and make the best out of what they got.

If you want to create a destination wedding of your dreams, try start planning a destination wedding here.